So this happened a while ago, I'm still home don't worry

I was just flicking through here, like im sure everyone does, really is captivating stuff. And it seems that my florence post isnt my florence post, its my lucerne post and no one knows about the time i had in florence, and my did i have a time. So here that time is. An if this if im wrong and this has all been up there, I doubt anyone will tell me.

Skipping the leather probably meant we got to the academia museum before the crowds, because we didn't line up yet there now is one. But then there wasn't so who knows really. At least I saw the actual statue of David. It's pretty big, the story is a little less impressive knowing thats how big David was. Unless Goliath was equally bigger. Then it really was giant killing. But were the people not terrified of this giant man who cut the head off of a gianter man? If he could do that to him imagine what he could do to them. Probably eat them. Florence was quite a lazy day, except for the 414 stairs we climbed to the top of the tower. The duomo was higher but we couldn't find the way in. But the tower had rest stops that made you think wait that can't be 400 steps yet. And while you tried to recount them in your head you find the next set, and onward and upward until you were looking over the entire of Florence. Except the dome. But the only difference between the two was whether you looked at the dome or the tower, and the dome was cooler. We did some more wandering and saw a funky bridge. Then in attempts to find a taxi home ended up in the church holding the remains of michaelangelo galileo Dante and some others who I can't remember right now. Before I post this i'll find my piece of paper that tells me so. I feel a little bad as I spent some time hanging out with these guys but I have a feeling they don't remember me either. Very big place that one was as well, didn't realize until it was too late there was a downstairs/underground. And then we went to space. Well space electronic disco. We did enjoy a lovely dinner with singing and dancing first. And then a club with karaoke downstairs and the club upstairs. And because no one wanted to karaoke it was way easier to pop down there for a drink rather than wait in line, unfortunately I told too many people this great plan of mine by the end of the night. So then it was cheeseburger time. They were some mighty cheeseburgers. I miss mine now, I wish I'd eaten it all.

This is the bit when you run out of the story, just before the back cover.

Dear phone talker on the train. I don't really care much for your conversation. Especially when we are at opposite ends of the carriage. It doesn't matter how they have wronged you. What happened to the unwritten rule that you get on your respective mode of public transport and shut up? Regardless of whether you are by yourself, with one or even ten friends. The rest of us couldn't give a flip flop about what you have to say. So mumble quietly or save it, Australians. How do three people occupy most of the seating in an airport. Put all there bags in front of seats and sit in the rest and shout to eachother because they decided not to sit within normal speaking distance of eachother. The end of my trip that took me to many amazing places around the world, and I'm whining about Australians. I met some incredible australians during my travels, unfortunately your countrymen have let you down, sorry all. Iv actually been home for a week and a half, and the reality of being here is sinking in. I don't know if I'll keep writing here or not. I enjoy reading what I write, or else I wouldn't write it. And as iv said numerous times I have no idea of anyone else reads this, but I couldn't care less. So ah yea. Mathematical. To (may)be continued.

There and back again. But you don't know where.

Turns out im that kind of person that loves meeting people. Kind old lady came to me on the advice of someone for wifi advice. Whoever it was needs a smack in the face. But I enjoyed my chat with who I think was Deborah, but I'm basing this on a guess as to her name from a tag on her bag. Could be way off. lovely woman though and I enjoyed the conversation, it's one of the very cool things of travel, learning stories that you may have thought someone could tell, straight from the horses mouth. And I also have no American money left to spend at the bar so I had no other choice really. Flights always suck, even if you get a good one. Although i was on the plane with the 7s boys. If they won I'd get a photo. Then another chat in sydney, didnt catch his name though. But what I choose will determine my eternity, and apparently Mormons worship the devil but if I ask them they'll punch me in the face, which is where i started not listening anymore. Except when he told me about why he doesnt have a phone anymore. He would call his friends but they would never call him, cant see why. Whichever way I am freaking hungry. And the train was super expensive. This seagull is putting its best menacing look on to protect his spot in front of the girls eating mcdonalds. Little does he know that while he chased one, another stole his chip. But it was a chip he never knew about so I can't imagine he's too upset about it. Iv spent 22 Australian bucks so far. On two train tickets, four $1 cheeseburgers and a bottle of water. If one train ticket was 5 times the price of the other what was the price of the bottle of coke next to my 3 dollar water? My train is skipping stops, and as I drive past on the upper level of the train I see the looks of disappointment on their tiny tiny faces. So the remainder of my money took me really far. But everyone else's money took me further. Surprises are also pretty cool, whether you're the surpriser or the surprisee. Yes 2 and a half months around the world and I still like to make up words. It's quicker than finding one that fits. And awesomer.

Have you met Ted?

I met Ted, two different shoes, and had a 15 minute chat on the tram. Talked about our respective travels and the city. And how he mistakenly kicked a kiwi in Europe because he thought he was the snorer. Only problem is I got caught up and missed my stop by about 7. Guess I'm not going home to get a sweater because it got freaking cold after all. Oh yea did I mention warriors rockets? I'll be there. Stream it, I'm the one way up the back because tickets are cheaper there. Could really do with out the double overtime. Just a nice thrashing will do me fine. And I don't know if it's because I haven't been home in a while and I've spent more time with Aussies and Englishman, but every American thinks I'm from England. It could also be they don't have a clue what a new Zealander sounds like, or maybe to them we're very similar to the English. And then that game happened. Watch the highlights. Even with my seat booking messing up (I clicked the wrong button) and being sat almost as far back as possible couldn't dim that game. Being starving hungry dims the train ride home though. So does getting to bk with not enough money.

City of sin. And Vegas. And a mountain.

Vegas requires money, lots and lots of money, I recommend not running out before you even get there. You will not be the success story that turned there last 50 bucks into millions. You'll be the story of the guy who turned his last 50 bucks into feigned sympathy from the black jack dealer, and cheap cheap alcohol. It's a hell of a story though. I wish I could remember more of it to tell. Everywhere you go is an entire new world in its self, from the casinos to the clubs to the malls even the overpasses have a life going on. It's an incredibly homeless/busker life but a life nonetheless. Oh and xs club was huge. Skrillex was pretty good I'll say. Somehow we made it out of Vegas alive, my hands had to delve a little deeper into the pockets, and then lake tahoe. And snow. And sun, or as a fairly pale skinned Englishman learned, sunburn. I learned which direction knees are and aren't supposed to go. And that there is nothing cooler than a massive clean run. And occasionally my nose decides to bleed like an extra for 300. At least in 300 a sword wound produced 7 litres of blood, mine just shat the bed and went for it. I don't have many takes of Tahoe, except the club with 1 dollar drinks followed by finding myself at Starbucks at 5am. Luckily Tahoe is a small small town so my mammoth walk home was all of 3 minutes. On ward and outward, if you're going to San Francisco.

Alter egos sunshine snow and a big hole in the ground

So things since that last time, san Diego happened and the world
Was introduced to my new alter ego Taco Bell! Who shall soon be wrestling champion of the world, unless his nemesis El Pollo Loco stands in the way. That plus crazy strong margaritas you could only be served three of made for a wonderful night. God awful morning though. And equally terrible next day and night. It was a close feeling to Rome just 10 days earlier. So a night off was in order because I heard a rumor a number of my internal organs were planning to overthrow my brain as captain of this ship. Either that or just jump overboard via any means of escape. Big hilly mountain ish things are cool, but it's winter and everything is dead and dry. Still loving getting to wear t shirt shorts and jandals though. Grand canyon for sunset tonight and super bowl tomorow! The tour manager supports the giants so I'll be an even less happy child if they win and I have to hear about it. Not that I support the pats I just hate Eli manning. So we can see how the future from here goes. We are not running out of room to put people in this world. Sure our currently established cities may be getting full but there is a shit load of nothing for miles out here. Now some may say the land is no good and no one would move to a terrible location. Aren't half of Mexico trying to get into the us? Use our technology that is supposed to be awesome, put a city or twelve thousand out here, man make a lake or two. Problem solved. Oh my very big whole in the ground. Hey there coolest thing I've ever seen. People have said you can't believe it til you see it, they bloody well lied I saw it and still can't believe it. The enormosity of the thing is just absolutely stunningly incredulousable. Yes this post got big, in a hurry. Not fazed it's easier than writing multiple ones. left behind the canyon now there's that other place called Vegas. And a small little club called excess. That's having it's third birthday tonight, and we will be there. You won't hear from me probably until I get to lake Tahoe in a few days. Good luck to me.

The good side of security

What an experience it was, to go trough security at slc and have the luxury of things to do! There was food and drink and gift shops. It was something else I tell you. Only problem being I didnt have enough time to enjoy it, which I quite would have. Some people don't seem to enjoy the time they have, and rush to get on the plane. Because waitin on the plane is so much comfier than the terminal. Yet people rush to get through boarding and onto the plane, trying to get on before their seat is called. I find id much rather be the last one on the plane, I can hang out and stretch my legs at the terminal and not be cramped on a plane. Each to their own I guess. Best way to get adrenaline flowing? Get hammered on your first night and not remember what you did with your phone and your passport. It probably also aligns with your 3rd hangover since home. Don't worry though I'm loving the experience. Ahhh the pain. I am not happy with you America, I am willing to get into politics purely to make sure chemicals are removed from beer worldwide.

southern utah & vegas? well maybe. and now i have finished i have decided yes. two part titles.

its warm. this is a revelation for me, the bottom of utah is all deserty so later jacket jeans and shoes. hello t shirt shorts and jandals. it was an amazing feeling. who needs summer anyway? a discovery i didnt make on this trip is that girls love to shop. i made this discovery long ago, so hello there sports bar. i presume that being utah most of the people there are somewhat regulars, as they dont have much else place to be. so i sat myself down and met a kindly old couple on my left and another guy on my right. the guy on the right was far more interesting to talk to. i was having such conversations as the tv with the nba on was pretty much directly above the bar, so anyone wanting to watch had to tilt there head way back and strain their eyes. which i could stand for the heat knicks game. until it was switched to the jazz mavs game. and neither dirk or jason kidd were playing. so i learnt a little about vegas from my new old friend. i also learnt that beer here still isnt as good. i need to stop comparing beer to europe or i shall have a depressing trip i feel. few drinks later and the jazz lost again, well got killed, and the girls came to pick me up, successful day. Once in vegas i learned a few things about the people. they either work there, are partying the 'party of their lives' , getting married, homeless, or passing out flyers for the "most exotic women on the strip". this is pretty much everyone in vegas. and its wonderful. this time with my present company i did the touristy see the sights vegas. i didnt know it was possible either. but i have two nights back there in a week. so I'll have my opportunity to have the 'party of my life' or just sit myself down for a few drinks lose some money and be a true part of the city that goes 24 hours a day. il sleep on the bus. just dont get married. number one rule of this trip, dont get married, number two, no children. oh yea the homeless people. best homeless beggar sign i have seen " not going to lie, need beer" good man, he probably has a good chance of getting money with the amount of drunk people loving the novelty of the idea. he probably could use it for something better, but whatever makes you happy. i am aware that a lot of these have become about what i am actually doing. a lot of these i am writing a number of days after the actual doing. you try remember what you were imagining three days ago, especially with the amount of imagining that has come in between. its hard work. but as im sure i have previously mentioned, i dont really mind. I'll just write whatever i feel like at the time. like seeing water that appears to have frozen over. the idea of finding out if the water is frozen is way better than the actually knowing. you throw a twig, and it sits on the top, but a twig would sit on water, so you hunt for something bigger, you find a rock. generally the rock goes KASPLOOSH! and then you wonder if that was because of the ice being thin or if you threw it a little hard. either way the ice is no longer ice and it doesn't even look so good anymore. and on you go, about your merry way. maybe jump over a pole. something i missed doing in st george was leapfrogging over the statue of the boy leapfrogging the pole. sad regrets.

Bet you can't miss these free throws.

My first nba experience and well 2k sports are pretty accurate, terms of crowd and intros and the like, I was even a little impressed. I couldn't wait to publicly ridicule Devin Harris with the rest of the crowd, and then he starts fast and is playing pretty well. So it was off to the bar, for the First time since I left nz someone didn't accept my drivers license and wanted my passport. Which is fair enough, except I'd gotten used to not needing my passport. Then devin got swatted and I smiled. And the lady next to us had an unfortunate voice. And by unfortunate I mean for the people that have to hear her all the time. I think its hilarious, and she was a very excited and enthusiastic fan. First nba game and I got free basketball. You should take a worse shot millsap, nice way to make up for it though. And More free basketball! And devin Harris can't shoot free throws, so the night went absolutely fantastically for me. Except the beer I went through such trials an tribulations to get was expensive and tasted terrible. Boy I miss you Europe.

Goin back to Cali

From London to la. And everywhere in between. And by in between I mean the pub at the airport and the plane. Now if planes had a pub on them I would be content, unless it was like the airport where none of the taps were working. This was devastating, especially at the 1pm rush hour of the day. Coolest thing air nz has ever done for me was let me know the bar is complimentary for the entire flight. Who needs iPods and movies? I have an open bar for 11 hours. Not that I will abuse this. Or America might not let me in. I'll have to go for a walk to bk first, but then when I get back they'll say no again, just because they can. Bouncers. I once again made the wearing my jeans in a manner that kill my tailbone mistake but in my alertness I have fixed it before too much damage was caused. Land in la, 8.15pm and it's t shirt weather. Haven't had that for a month. But now everyone drives on the wrong side of the road again. One day I will see la, but this time it's just airports again. Oh and my super big Hilton bed.

Excuse my French but I'm in France

Admittedly Paris was not high on my wish list of this journey, how quickly did that change. Short answer 7 seconds long answer 7 minutes longer answer 7 hours. It was jut a little longer than the long answer, but not as long as the longer answer. Eiffel tower, big hunk of metal with lights on it. Breath taking hunk of metal with lights on it. In my time at the top of the tower there was no other existence. So sorry about that, you all died for a while there. Hopefully you made it back but to those who didn't my sincerest apologies. Don't haunt me though. That's just petty. The size of Paris and the desire to not be running around everywhere lead to a quieter day than many before. Experiencing Paris in a different manner. The arc d'triomphe was at the wrong end of champ blah lessee so we had to cover the distance walking backward, so as not to retrace hitlers steps. It makes it easier to not care what people are saying about you when it's a different language. The moulin rouge was an interesting experience. I've watched the movie many times and had a small idea of the show. But I don't understand why there were guys on stage. Was there a pre booking I missed out on? I went dressed up ready to spend my money and there was nothing to pay for. And satin didn't even drop down from the ceiling. Aside from this disappointment the evening was in the realms of fantastic. Except or the one dancer who mistook the going 'woooo!' with the other girls and would squeal instead. After some time I found myself wishing there was something causing her physical pain at least to justify the terror my ears were suffering. Alas no. And there are ghosts in the corridors at hotel campenille. Just don't ask anyone, except me. And the few people who understand this, they'll let you know. If you can find them. The best thing about buffet breakfasts is taking extra food on the way out for 2nd breakfast. But this day was the end of the tour. The ferry ride sucked and London was wet. And the beer doesn't taste as good.

Florence without the machines

Not the most incredible of stops we had. Not to say Lucerne isn't a beautiful place, but that the day we had there was Sunday so everything was shut, it was like walking around a ghost town and it is and expensive expensive place. Mt Pilatus was pretty special, as was the realisation that snow is hard to maintain full balance and control in while running and picking up a girl, and leads to near busted wrist. But in the town it felt as though I missed a bit, we ended up finding a dear old Irish pub and relaxed for the afternoon. The evening may have gotten big, and then very big, but I wasn't there.
But then I went on a slide, covered in ice. Oh my quickly. I went twice it was that cool. And if the bus sits this still for much longer I may go again. Twice. I wish I had have, there isn't much like sitting on a bus all day with minimal breaks thinking about the slide you want to slide down. The rush was to get to the louvre in Paris before it shut. We made it, Mona Lisa didn't seem to excited to see us though, just sat there staring really, most rude. At least Athena was standing up.

You dead man?

What a city, of the places we have visited Rome is up there with could live here. Again another place with so much to see, luckily we did some sightseeing the night we arrived, and had dinner with a lit up coliseum right out side the window. Which was the definite highlight of the meal. We came from a massive meal in venice with dish upon dish of pasta being brought to our table, to a small salad and half a square of lasagna. And the dirtiest wine glass I have seen in my life, which then came back with half the amount of wine. Beautiful view though. During the night the bug hit me, I had to miss the entire morning in Rome, and by the end of the Vatican tour I was exhausted. I'm not really sure how the when in Rome quote applies here, but ah when in Rome. The whole of Italy is somewhere I will definitely comeback to. Plus I saw an elephant in a car wearing a hat. Highlight of the morning so far.

Floating cities

My mind has been blown far too many times and everywhere. Venice once again did this. I made a cat friend within ten minutes on the island, it already had a name so i just called it cat friend. We hung out for a bit. Wandered up a golden staircase Sighed on the bridge of sighs, took my sigh back on the way back. And then got lost just walking around the streets. I was more than happy with this. Although I did want to and get to go see a few of the buildings it was incredible that at every turn was something exactly the same but so very different, I wanted a camera in my head that took a photo every time I blinked. Venice is somewhere you need more than a day to explore, if for no other reason than you spend half of the time wandering around the streets. Not so incredible for nightlife if your not staying on the island, which we weren't. That's where the hotel bar and a bottle of jäger comes in handy. The drive through to Rome was worth skipping any sleep on the coach. I slightly regretted this when getting to Rome completely worn out but not enough to care. Until I died.

Beer and buildings in Munich.

Munich meant beer hall. And boy did it mean beer hall. Note to Charlie, I don't want to skull a stein, but if you make me I will destroy you. Packed to the rafters with waitresses carrying up to 9 at a time, drinking songs I didn't understand but made noise anyway and beer as far as the eye can see. My kind of place really. I'm writing this 4 days in retrospect so there may not be as much imagination, because I tend to forget things. My day of exploring was snowing and blowing a gale, so it made it that much more fun to get lost. But eventually we found the antiquarium. The museum was closing so we were the only two people in the most incredible room of my life. Beyond that Munich seemed to be the opposite of Prague in that the outside of the buildings wasn't that amazing but the insides, oh my insides. I'm starting to not mind religion so much if these are the types of buildings they create. Although the antiquarium wasn't religious so the effort can be placed elsewhere. I also learned the risks of jumping on a snow covered chair far outweigh the potential benefits

Czech it out now

Prague, the birthplace of absinthe. So I paid 20 euro for a nap, well it was some kind of show that was proper terrible so I fell asleep the first half and spent the 2nd in the bar. When in Rome. So when in Prague. Better meet the green fairy. She missed the bus. Maybe she got the night wrong, celebrating Prague at the largest club in central Europe, this time we'll try not miss the bus, as fun as that may seem, it wouldn't have been. I write much of this as I think of this so the tense will vary, often from sentence to sentence. I'm not worried by this. All though I am by the amount of this's I have used, this this thisy thisy this this, least I'm not weirdy Mcfat weird. Alarms will be set for the morning, and they were, 8 of them. No mad dashes for us. Prague is the type of place I could wander around all day, I don't even like walking. Unfortunately the camera on my phone can't capture the brilliance, the one in my head can but you can't see them. That's unfortunate for you. but I didn't have all enough day to see it all, so Prague is on my come back to list. I am also now of the opinion, well I always was but I've seen both sides now, if you're going to be foreign, be quiet while you do it. But I got to be there the first time someone saw snow, and that's pretty cool. But I'm totally unprepared to get off the bus and into it. I may run in seventeen circles, but I may not. This is one of those things you'll never know.

No sleep till Brooklyn

Would be a good plan if I was going I Brooklyn. This trip is naught but a taste test of where I come back to. Berlin =incredible. I would have gone to the museums if I hadn't turned the wrong way, and the map hadnt lied. And if I didn't walk around a mall for a while, expensive Louis Vuitton stuff is still expensive Louis Vuitton stuff regardless of nation. But I enjoyed the time there and what I learnt. The Jewish memorial was something to admire, even if little kids were running around like they should be in a scary movie. Then I cuddled a bear. Nz we messed up when it came to choosing our animal, bears are way cooler. Everything was splendid until the door knock to tell us we where about to miss the bus, but oh my Berlin. Tuesday night and it was charging. I am now of the thinking that Europe likes to party all the time. Now everything is awesome. :) motoring down the autobahn. But we're a big bus and every one else is motoring faster.

Would you like to touch my cheese?

Amsterdam. new years. wow. So many people so many fireworks exploding absolutely everywhere at any time. It was an incredible experience. Basically, fireworks Dutch people coffee shops bars clubs mind blowing. Which made this morning great fun. Flagged breakfast and made sandwiches for lunch out of breakfast. Stopped by a cheese and clogs factory so to say. Guy made both the cheese and the clogs, and wore the clogs all the time. He is the proud owner of the quote titling this post and many more, made a clog fairly quickly as well for the most part. Beyond that I had my photo taken as a Dutchman, which was great fun when we were late for the coach and running out of the shop in front of another group who definitely thought we had stolen something. Managed to find time to visit the Anne frank house. I have not previously read or known too much into her story, so the tour was a very sobering experience. 105,000 Jews from the Netherlands alone. In between the rubbish that comes out of my mouth is sometime seriousness. And the whole ordeal still blows my mind. Beyond that I have a new favorite game. My new favorite game, sitting at a bar watching Dutch people speak, particularly the bar man and his locals. But because I don't understand I make up what they say. For example barman 'and he threw the chicken, squawking and all, at a 60 degree angle, and I said that will never clear the canal, not a chance, and then next thing I know POOF the chicken was a firework!' Local 'ah yes I have many chickens go splodey, particularly at the new year period, they get very excited by not being killed at Christmas ' barman 'you eat chicken for Christmas ?' local 'no I just enjoy the slaughter' things were starting to seem tense, but they were laughing and smiling the whole time. Senseless chicken murder, at least let us eat them, jerks. And the bartender speaks better English than me. I had skipped the dinner in the hope of getting out and wandering about the city, but it is pissing down with rain and I got soaked just walking from the restaurant to the first bar I saw. So I'm people watching. It's not weird if you can't understand them. Happy 2012 world, I'm opening the way I ended.